The happiest country in the world

By Frederick Mordi

“Action may not always bring happiness … but there is no happiness without action.”

                                                                                                                                        —Benjamin Disraeli

When Switzerland is mentioned, what immediately comes to your mind? It will likely be a beautiful country famous for its classy wristwatches, nice chocolates and secretive financial system.

But beyond these, Switzerland is also the happiest country in the world, according to the ‘2015 World Happiness Report’ released by the United Nations in New York, last week. Iceland, Denmark, Norway and Canada, trailed behind Switzerland. The other countries that made the top 10 include Finland, Netherlands, Sweden, New Zealand, and Australia. Surprisingly, the United States and the United Kingdom placed 15^th and 21^st, respectively, on the list.

The annual report, the third in the series, seeks to quantify happiness as a means of influencing government policy. It used the following factors as yardstick: real gross domestic product (GDP) per capita, healthy life expectancy, having someone to count on, perceived freedom to make life choices, freedom from corruption and generosity. The top 10 happiest countries scored high on each of the six indices.

Nigeria, once regarded as the happiest country in the world, came a distant 78^th in the ranking of 158 countries. Nigeria also placed fourth in Africa. Interestingly, war-torn Libya is rated the happiest country in Africa and 63^rd in the world.

However, Togo a West African country that is currently squabbling over the result of last Saturday’s presidential election, believed to have been won by incumbent President Faure Gnassingbe, was ranked the least happy country in the world. Afghanistan, Syria and seven other sub-Saharan African countries— Burundi, Benin, Rwanda, Burkina Faso, Ivory Coast, Guinea and Chad, complete the list of the 10 least happy countries.

Noting that happiness has become a measure of social progress and a goal of public policy, the report said leading experts across several fields of human endeavour including economics, psychology and health, defined how measurements of welfare can be used to gauge the progress of nations.

One of the editors of the 166-paged report and renowned American economist, Professor Jeffrey Sachs, observed that the top 13 countries—all Western countries—remain virtually unchanged a second year running, even though their order shifted a bit.

“One of our very strong recommendations is that we should be using measurements of happiness … to help guide the world during this period of the new sustainable development goals,” Sachs said. “We want this to have an impact, to put it straight forwardly, on the deliberations on sustainable development because we think this really matters.”

If there is one president that has taken this report seriously, it is German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, whom Richard Layard of the London School of Economics, described as “the most interesting world leader” in terms of her response to happiness data.

Layard, who also contributed to the report, particularly commended Merkel for initiating a grassroots project that seeks to find out “what people want to see changing in order that their wellbeing might change.” This will help Germany improve on its current ranking of 26^th.

The report further established that a positive outlook during childhood helps lay a solid foundation for greater happiness later in life. It thus recommends early investment in the welfare of children as a path to future happiness.

“We must invest early on in the lives of our children so that they grow to become independent, productive and happy adults, contributing both socially and economically,” Layard added.

Although the report seems to agree that factors that make people happy are not the same in all countries, it says personal success and self-expression are important determinants of happiness in a country such the United States. That perhaps explains why celebrities like ‘living large’ in the US! But the report did note that money cannot buy happiness.

While the report may have some flaws, nevertheless, there are some valuable lessons Nigeria can learn, if she is to regain her lost glory. Happily, since the country is on a new path of change, it is not unlikely that Nigeria will appreciate considerably in the next ranking of the happiest countries in the world if the government takes the right action.

Survival of the fastest

By Frederick Mordi

           

He punched the keyboard on his iPad frantically as if he was racing against time. The CEO was still speaking when he posted the story. It was only then that he relaxed. A suspicion of a smile lurked at the corners of his mouth.

An hour later, the company’s PR managers were battling to pull down the story that had already gone viral on the Internet. Anxious stakeholders of the company were calling to know the true position. Even the CEO that was copiously quoted in the story, was at a loss for words.

In his post, the blogger had reported that the company donated $5million to the victims of a natural disaster in the country, whereas the correct figure was N5million! The blunder caused no small pandemonium in the listed company. Such is the nightmare that PR managers face these days.

Welcome to the social media revolution!

The evolution of the social media, which are tools and applications that enable individuals to interact on the web, appears to have triggered a paradigm shift in communication. Gone are the days when people reply on the traditional media (newspapers, magazines, radio and television), as the only source of news.

The youth and everyone else for that matter, are gradually gravitating towards the social media as an alternative source of news. A poll Mashable—a digital media website—conducted in 2011, confirmed this trend when it noted that: “41 percent of respondents got their news online; 31 percent from a newspaper; 65 percent from the Internet.”

The need for people to tell their own stories by themselves, rather than rely on others to do so for them, seems to be the key driver of the phenomenal adoption of the social media all over the world.

For instance, according to reports, it took radio broadcasters 38 years to reach an audience of 50 million; television 13 years; and the Internet just four. But it took Twitter, three years, two months and one day to reach the first billion tweets! There were about 1.35 billion monthly users of Facebook (founded in 2004 by Mark Zuckerberg), as of 2014, according to Facebook.com.

This shows that the traditional media that have been the sole authority as far as news dissemination is concerned, seem to be losing relevance with the advent of the social media.

Denis McQuail, a communication expert, believes the new media and the Internet in particular, have made the idea of the ‘personal newspaper’ (the so-called Daily Me), in which content is assembled according to individual taste and interest, a realistic possibility.

“The more this happens, and it could apply to the radio and television as well, the less the mass media could provide a common basis in knowledge and outlook or serve as the ‘cement of society,’” McQuail says in his book: McQuail’s Mass Communication Theory, published in 2010.

But the social media are not without their own challenges. For instance, unlike the traditional mass media where the concept of gatekeeping—a process by which filtered information goes through to the public by newspapers, radio or TV—is considered sacrosanct, the social media have no such restrictions. That is why a gaffe can escape unnoticed.

It is also generally believed that the information transmitted by social media networking sites are not often correct, like that post in question. This happens because some online content providers do not take pains to verify facts before they publish, unlike the traditional media where practitioners regard facts as sacred.

Criticisms against the social media

All these have led to an avalanche of criticisms against the social media. Andrew Keen, a leading Internet critic, in his book: The Cult of the Amateur: How Today’s Internet Is Killing Our Culture, says the law of digital Darwinism governs the Internet where there seems to be survival not of the fittest, but of the ‘loudest and most opinionated individuals.’

It is this apparent rush to be the first to post information, Keen contends, that makes it difficult for social media users like the blogger that caused panic in the company, to validate their facts. Under these circumstances, Keen, who decries lack of gatekeeping in the social media, adds that “the only way to intellectually succeed is by infinite filibustering.”

Jürgen Habermas, a respected German sociologist, seems to support this view as he was once quoted as saying that “The price we pay for the growth in egalitarianism offered by the Internet, is the decentralised access to unedited stories.”

Nevertheless, the social media have become one of the most important avenues through which public opinions are shaped in modern societies. They defy boundaries, challenge media censorship, and provide an alternative to the traditional media. Perhaps one of the merits of the social media is the instant feedback that they give. That is why many people saw the blogger’s story on the company as soon as he posted it.

However, there is a need to strike a fine balance between being the first to report a story and reporting what actually happened. This will save everyone a lot of stress. Proactive organisations are no longer leaving anything to chance. Many have established a full-fledged social media unit that looks after their online reputation.

In the new digital jungle where content is king, and only the fastest survive, it will be foolhardy for any organisation to ignore the power of the social media.

Return of the ‘Big Boss’

By Frederick Mordi

After months of suspense, the Nigerian Football Federation (NFF), finally reinstated Stephen Keshi, as Head Coach of the Super Eagles, yesterday. This has ended speculations that the NFF is shopping for a foreign coach to manage the national team, following the perceived below average performance of the Super Eagles in the last couple of months.

For Keshi, 53, who has been in charge of the Super Eagles since 2011, it has been a long wait for the renewal of his contract. While the waiting game lasted, Nigerian football suffered greatly. The last two recent outings of the national team attest to this. The team lost 1-0 to Uganda at home in Uyo, Akwa Ibom, and drew 1-1 with South Africa.

Keshi, who won a third African Cup of Nations (AFCON) trophy for Nigeria in 2013, after a 19-year wait, also took the Super Eagles to the 2014 FIFA World Cup in Brazil. However, the team failed to qualify for the 2015 AFCON hosted by Equatorial Guinea.

Keshi, who is expected to restore the lost glory of the nation’s football, has called on Nigerians to join hands with him to rebuild the team.

“I appreciate everyone and the NFF leadership for this opportunity to serve,” he said in his acceptance speech. “We all have to join hands to ensure we get the desired results in all our games.

“There is so much to be done and I can assure you that I will give you my very best. I know that Nigeria is a great country and I am sure we will get to the highest level possible not just in Africa, but also in the world.”

Keshi’s first assignment would be to ensure Nigeria’s qualification for the 2017 AFCON in Gabon. Nigeria is placed in group ‘G’ along with Egypt, Tanzania and Chad. The qualifiers start in June this year.

Meanwhile, the Media Officer of the Super Eagles, Toyin Ibitoye, has commended the NFF’s decision to sign a new contract with Keshi. He expressed the confidence that Keshi will deliver as he has the right pedigree for the job. However, he appealed to Nigerians for their understanding and support for the new coach.

“With commitment and dedication, we will go places,” Ibitoye said.

Is admitting a mistake a sign of weakness?

By Frederick Mordi

 

The story is told of a professor who once required his students to present oral readings in class, while he listened. When it came to the turn of a certain student, he stood up just like the others, and held his book in his left hand.

Before he could read, the professor barked at him: “Take your book in your right hand, and be seated!”

The student flinched at the professor’s harsh tone. The looks on the faces of his class mates seemed to suggest something was amiss. But the professor was too angry to take note of the body language of his students. He took serious offence at what he considered a disrespectful gesture on the part of the student.

The other students fidgeted in their seats as the young man in question raised up his right arm, awkwardly. His arm ended at the wrist. The right hand was missing. The professor struggled to contain his emotions. It was obvious that he had never felt so embarrassed all his life. Without a word, he walked up to the student and hugged him. He could not stop the tears from rolling down his cheek.

“I never knew about it,” he said, “please, will you forgive me?”

It is said that this singular act of remorse made a lasting impact on the student. But it often takes a great deal of humility, maturity, and even courage, for most people to admit it when they are in the wrong, probably because they feel it is a sign of weakness. Admitting it when you are wrong is one of the elements in the time-honoured principles of human relations.

Aaron DeCamp reinforces this view: “Admitting your mistakes is not a sign of weakness. It shows you have the courage to know your wrong, and that you have become stronger.”

John Maxwell puts it this way: “A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.”

The world will be a better place if people start to act like that professor.

 

14 Principles of Human Relations

H  Have self-confidence

U  Understand the viewpoint of others

M Make yourself the friend of all

A  Admit it when you are wrong

N  Never make promises you cannot keep

R Respect and courtesy are important

E Explain thoroughly

L Look, listen and learn

A Avoid arguments

T Try to be approachable and sociable

I Insist on selfless service to the community

O Others first, self last

N Never criticize in public

S Stress and positive always

Should Keshi stay?

By Frederick Mordi

 

Embattled coach of Nigeria’s national team, the Super Eagles, Stephen Keshi, has been having a running battle with the Nigerian Football Federation (NFF) for some time now over extension of his contract.

Although Keshi has been reportedly offered the job in principle, it does appear from the body language of the NFF that a foreign coach cast in the mould of a Jose Mourinho, would be preferred. While a stalemate persists, Nigeria’s ranking in football has been on a downward slide. The team is ranked 41^st in the world and seventh in Africa, as at March 2015. This is certainly a poor record for a country once adjudged the 5^th best team in the world, following the impressive performance of the Super Eagles at the 1994 World Cup in USA.

Interestingly, Keshi, the out of favour coach of the Super Eagles, endeared himself to Nigerian football lovers when he led the team to victory at the 2013 edition of the African Cup of Nations (AFCON), ending a 19-year old wait for the trophy. He also took Nigeria to the Confederations Cup and qualified the country for the 2014 FIFA World Cup in Brazil.

However, Keshi’s boys have been recording poor performance since then. They failed to soar at the Confederations Cup; they could not go beyond the second round at the World Cup; and they could not qualify for the 2015 AFCON. The Super Eagles’ outings at two recent international friendlies have been quite disappointing as well. The team lost 1-0 to a lowly rated Uganda at home in Akwa Ibom state, Nigeria, and drew 1-1 with South Africa. All these have led the clamour for Keshi’s sack. But is there a ready replacement?

Some football pundits, who say it would be difficult for a Western foreign coach that does not understand African football, to handle the Super Eagles, want Keshi to be given another chance. Others believe he should move on and allow a more experienced foreign coach to take over. For instance, this latter group say former manager of Chelsea, Avram Grant, currently in charge of the Black Stars, the Ghanaian national team, is doing a good job.

But the NFF seems to be in no hurry to take a definite stand on the matter. Until then, the fortunes of Nigeria’s senior national team may continue to dwindle both at the continental and global stage.

However, one thing that is quite certain is the fact that Nigeria does not lack quality footballers—both local and foreign based. Since football is a strong unifying factor among Nigerians, all warring parties must sheathe their swords and work together to ensure that the lost glory of the Super Eagles is restored.

A pauper who traded places with a king

By Frederick Mordi

 

A long time ago, there lived a wealthy king named Dionysius. Despite his great riches and fame, the king was far from being happy. He lived in perpetual fear that the people, who called him a tyrant behind his back, could one day, plot to dethrone him. For this reason, he was often gloomy.

His friend, Damocles, who thought that rich people are the happiest in the world, jokingly said the king must surely be swimming in the ocean of happiness, given his stupendous affluence. Heartily sick and tired of his friend’s constant compliments on his wealth, Dionysius, who knew where the shoe was really pinching him, one day, suggested to Damocles:

“How about swapping places with me?”

But Damocles quickly replied that he wanted no such honour for himself. He said he only felt that with enough money, one would live a very happy life.

“If I could only have your riches and your pleasures for just one day, your majesty,” added Damocles, “I should not want any greater happiness!”

At this, the king replied: “Very well then, you shall have all my wealth for one day!”

Damocles was ecstatic when he assumed the role of ‘king’ the following day. True to his word, Dionysius commanded all his servants and guards to treat Damocles as their ‘king.’ And so Damocles received the royalty treatment as the king had decreed. He had everything he wanted at the snap of his fingers.

While feasting on a lavish meal on a carefully laid table, filled with an assortment of rich wine, with cool music serenading his senses, Damocles by chance happened to look up and he froze at once. Dangling dangerously directly above him, with its point almost touching his head, was a sharp sword that was hung by only a hair of a horse’s tail. The sword seemed as it if could fall on him at the slightest movement.

The smile quickly faded from his lips as he turned white with fear. Suddenly, the food, the wine, and the music lost their appeal. He wanted nothing more in the world than to dash out of the palace.

Noticing his friend’s discomfiture, Dionysius asked: “What is the matter?”

“The…the sword!” Damocles cried. He was careful not to move.

“Of course,” replied the king, in a tone laced with sarcasm, “I know there is a sword above your head, and that it may fall at any moment. But I have a sword over my head all the time! You have been there for just a few hours and you are quivering like a leaf! Power comes with risks.”

“Please, let me go,” pleaded Damocles. “I have made a terrible mistake! I want to go back to my poor little cottage.”

Damocles never again envied the rich as long as he lived. That was the origin of the expression, the ‘sword of Damocles.’ If the sword of Damocles hangs over somebody, it means they are in a position where something bad may happen to them soon. The dilemma of Damocles appears to be succinctly illustrated in Proverbs 15:17 (KJV), which states: “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.”

The saying applies in the workplace, where a CEO, for instance, may have the sword of Damocles hanging over his head for making a wrong decision that adversely affected the company’s fortunes. Not many of his lieutenants would be willing to trade places with him when he appears before the board of directors to explain the company’s poor performance.

Indeed, one may not know the burden some people in certain positions of authority are carrying on their shoulders, until one gets close enough to them. Little wonder, Shakespeare’s Henry IV once said in Part II, Act III, Scene I: “Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.”

 

 

 

A Nobel laureate and his chauffeur

By Frederick Mordi  

In 1919, the year he received the Nobel Prize in Physics, the world-famous German physicist, Prof Max Planck, who propounded the quantum theory, embarked on a nationwide tour, where he presented his papers to the scientific community.

Legend has it that on one occasion, Planck’s chauffeur, who now knew his presentation style by heart, offered to trade places with him, after the Nobel laureate complained about giving too many lectures, to his driver.

“By now, I have heard your talk so often that I can give it myself,” said the driver. “Why don’t we change places? I’ll pretend to be the physicist and give the talk, while you pretend to be the driver.”

Planck thought it was such an excellent idea and agreed.

And so the next time the renowned professor went for another presentation, it was his driver that gave the talk on his behalf, while he sat quietly among the audience. The chauffeur put up a splendid performance, until an egghead asked a question that he had no hope of ever answering. But instead of admitting this, the chauffeur famously replied:

“I’m surprised to hear such an elementary question on high energy physics here in Munich. It’s so simple, I’ll let my chauffeur answer it!”

The central point of this conceivably apocryphal story, is delegation. Many people find it difficult to delegate even simple tasks to their subordinates, due to a variety of reasons. But the current realities in the workplace, for instance, where a manager is often saddled with many responsibilities as part of cost-cutting measures, make delegation very imperative.

Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson show how effective delegation can be done in a work environment, in their best-selling book: The One Minute Manager. According to the book, there are three secrets to becoming an effective manager.

                         

The first secret is having One Minute Goals. This involves a brief meeting between the manager and his subordinate where they agree on goals, which are written down in an equally short statement, and reviewed from time to time. The aim of the exercise is to ensure that both of them are on the same page.

The second secret is One Minute Praising. The book encourages managers to shower encomiums on their subordinates when they are doing the right thing. This should be accompanied with a simple handshake, the authors counsel.

The third strategy is the One Minute Reprimand. This is the delicate part that most managers do not handle quite well, according to the authors. They say the one minute reprimand should point to the specific task the subordinate did not perform creditably, and should be followed by a reassurance that the subordinate can do better next time.

“Effective managers manage themselves and the people they work with so that both the organisation and the people profit from their presence,” the authors note.

A number of small businesses, world-class companies and institutions are said to use The One Minute Manager techniques in their operations. Such organisations reportedly have a record of high productivity, improved job satisfaction, and invariably increased profitability.

An expert on organisational communication and lecturer at the School of Media and Communication, Pan-Atlantic University, Lagos, Dr. Mike Okolo, who describes delegation as “the downward transfer of authority from a manager to a subordinate,” identifies some reasons managers often fail to delegate.

“Managers may simply lack confidence in the abilities of their subordinates,” he points out.   “Managers may experience dual accountability and thus refrain from delegating because they are insecure about their value to the organisation.”

Okolo lists a number of steps to successful delegation:

“For successful delegation, managers need to take some steps if they want to succeed. They must match the employee to the task; be organised and communicate clearly; and should transfer authority and accountability with the task.

“Managers must also choose the level of delegation carefully by specifically assigning tasks to individual team members, giving team members the correct amount of authority to accomplish assignments and making sure that team members accept responsibility.”

While it is doubtful if a typical professor would allow his research assistant—let alone a mere driver—swap places with him, the lessons from Planck and his driver, and The One Minute Manager, may be quite helpful both in the workplace and other spheres of life.

Spartans and their verbal austerity

By Frederick Mordi

 

“Brevity,” Polonius once said in Shakespeare’s famous work, Hamlet, “is the soul of wit.” The ancient Spartans, who are known for their simple habits, bravery and unequalled brevity in the use of words, amply demonstrated this witty saying. Their words are short and sharp just like their swords.

Spartans were expected to always hit the nail on the head. In fact, it is said that a Spartan boy, who is too verbose, while responding to a teacher’s question, was liable to have his thumb bitten as punishment for wasting words. Spartan women also reportedly gave a departing warrior his shield with the words: “With it or on it!” This implies that he should return either victorious with his shield, or with his dead body upon it, but by no means, should he lose it.

Their legendary reputation for verbal austerity even in the face of danger, is succinctly captured by a famous anecdote about King Philip of Macedonia and the Spartans. As the story was told, Philip, who had conquered almost all of Greece, except Sparta, once assembled a great army to fight the Spartans. Positioning his large army at the borders of Laconia, the city of the Spartans, Philip issued the following ultimatum:

“If you do not submit at once, I will invade your country. And if I invade, I will pillage and burn everything you hold dear. If I march into Laconia, I will level your great city to the ground.”

Living up to their reputation for not wasting words, the Lacons, as the Spartans were sometimes called, sent Philip an answer a few days later, with a single word: “If.”

That single word was powerful enough to frighten the Macedonians, who turned tail. After this, neither Philip nor his son Alexander the Great, attempted to invade the Spartans anymore.

Similarly, Plutarch recounted how Philip had asked the Spartans if they wanted him to come as friend or foe. “Neither!” returned the Spartans, who certainly did not know how to beat about the bush. On another occasion, Philip was said to have sent them a long list of demands, to which they wrote at the bottom of the letter, the single word, “No!” Their short answers have found their way into the dictionary. Today, a short answer is often described as being ‘laconic,’ after Laconia, the name of their city.

While their great rivals, the more polished Athenians, pursued the art of oratory, producing renowned orators such as Demosthenes and Pericles, the Spartans viewed verbosity as a sign of triviality. The Samians learnt how to be economical with words, when after making a very long speech, soliciting for aid, they became deeply perplexed over the Spartans’ remarks that they could no longer remember the first half of their speech, and could make nothing of the remainder. The next time the Samians met with them, they simply showed a bag which they had brought with them, saying: “The bag wants flour.” It was only then the Spartans gave them aid.

But, Socrates, a renowned Greek philosopher, believed Spartans’ economy with words was simply a ruse:

“They conceal their wisdom, and pretend to be blockheads, so that they may seem to be superior only because of their prowess in battle … The Spartans are the best educated in philosophy and speaking: if you talk to any ordinary Spartan, he seems to be stupid, but eventually, like an expert marksman, he shoots in some brief remark that proves you to be only a child.”

For instance, when asked whether it would be prudent to build a defensive wall enclosing the city, a Spartan named Lycurgus, notably answered, “A city is well-fortified, which has a wall of men instead of brick.”

A laconic expression can be used for good effect to deflate a pompous individual, a well-known example being at the Battle of Thermopylae, where Leonidas, King of Sparta, in response to Xerxes’s offer to spare his men if they gave up their arms, replied “Molon labe,” which translates to “Come and take them!” The movie, 300, which featured the exploits of Leonidas (Gerald Butler), is replete with other pithy statements.

Julius Caesar’s famous words: “The die is cast!” (Alea iacta est in Latin), which he reportedly uttered when he led his army across the Rubicon in northern Italy, still resonate with many people today, due to its brevity.

The popular expression: “Veni, vidi, vici,” which translates to “I came, I saw, I conquered,” is also attributed to Caesar, who made the statement after his victory over King Pharnaces II of Pontus in the Battle of Zela.

But the shortest correspondence in history must be that between Victor Hugo, considered one of the greatest French writers, and his publisher, in 1862. Wondering how his novel Les Misérables, was being received, Hugo, who was on vacation, while his work was scheduled to be printed, reportedly telegraphed Hurst & Blackett the single-character message “?”

As the book was doing extraordinarily well in the market, the reply was a single “!”

The Spartans would have been proud of Hugo, who also wrote the classic novel: The Hunchback of Notre-Dame.

In modern times, a famous person reputed for his verbal austerity was American President Calvin Coolidge, who was nicknamed ‘Silent Cal.’ There is a story of how a woman once seated next to him at a dinner, said to him, “I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you.”

She did not win the bet as he characteristically replied: “You lose.”

“The words of a President have an enormous weight and ought not to be used indiscriminately,” Coolidge was once quoted as saying.

The Spartans have certainly proven that keeping one’s words straight and simple, is not only effective, but could also have dramatic consequences.

 

AFCON 2015: The sublime and the ridiculous

By Frederick Mordi

 

 

The 2015 edition of the African Cup of Nations (AFCON), came to an end yesterday, after the Elephants of Cote d’ Ivoire, beat the Black Stars of Ghana 9-8 on penalties. This followed a goalless draw at the end of 120minutes.

Ivorian goalkeeper, Boubacar Barry, undoubtedly the man of the match, scored the winning penalty, after stopping one from his opposite number. The victory, which ended a 23-year cup ‘drought’ for the Ivorians, was a repeat of the 1992 tournament, where they beat Ghana, 11-10, on penalties, to win the tournament. Pundits had given yesterday’s match to the more youthful and nimble Ghanaians, who last won the trophy 33 years ago, but luck was not on their side. However, Andre Ayew of Ghana, the Olympic Marseille winger, emerged the top scorer at the tournament with three goals. At least, he gave the Black Stars something to brag about.

For Yaya Toure, Manchester City midfielder and captain of the Ivorian side, winning AFCON 2015 was “unbelievable.”

“When you win with your club, it’s quite amazing,” said Toure, the current African Footballer of the Year, in his reaction after clinching the trophy. “With your country, it’s unbelievable.”

While the Ivorians continue to bask in the euphoria of victory, having upstaged Nigeria as reigning African champions, the defining moments of the tournament deserve to be revisited.

First, Morocco, the initial host, declined to stage the competition over fears of the Ebola virus disease that had ravaged three West African countries namely: Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone. Equatorial Guinea eventually replaced Morocco at short notice. Equatorial Guinea deserves accolades for rising up to the occasion.

However, Equatorial Guineans proved to be such unruly hosts, as their fans hurled objects at the Ghanaians following the 3-0 humiliation of their side at the semi-final stage of the competition. This ugly incident, which disrupted the match, tainted what would have been a clean report card for the country. By then, it does show how passionate the fans are!

Many football fans would also not forget the ballot that decided the fate of the Malians, who had tied with the Guineans on all points at the knock-out stage. Guinea eventually won the ballot that saw them through to the next stage of the competition. This would be the first time since 1988 that a ballot would be used to decide the winner during a tie.

Host Equatorial Guinea, made history when they cruised into the semi-final of the competition for the first time, after defeating Tunisia in a last minute controversial penalty kick. But the Tunisians kicked up a lot of dust that led to hefty fines for the country, and the Mauritian referee, who did not seem to be in full control of the match.

On a final note, Gervinho must have drawn chuckles from fans when he refused to watch the penalty match between Cote d’Ivoire and Ghana, from the players’ stand, where he sat facing the crowd, following his substitution. He was either sulking over his substitution, or out of sheer anxiety. But his reaction when the Elephants won was quite dramatic.

Even though the competition did not produce spectacular moments, when compared to the last one that Nigeria won, it was in all, a successful tournament.

 

Table manners

By Frederick Mordi

“Stop making an ass of yourself,” she snapped suddenly. “I can’t stand the way you eat! If you can’t use the knife and the fork the proper way, can’t you at least, use your head? I mean your hands?”

It took him one full minute to digest what she was saying and another 30 seconds before he could summon enough courage to raise his head slowly from his food. He had never been so embarrassed all his life. He wished the ground could open up and swallow him, to save him from this humiliation.

 

“Are you talking to me?” he finally growled, even though it was obvious to everyone that she was addressing him. He was not prepared to stomach this insult.

 

Their eyes locked briefly and he gave her a murderous look that could have caused anyone to develop instant indigestion. But the woman was not prepared to have her healthy appetite spoilt on that particular day. Her frame leaves no one in doubt that she enjoys eating.

 

“Of course I am talking to you!” she spoke loudly enough for even passers-by along the ever busy street to hear. “You lack table manners! The way you eat reminds one of a dog!”

 

She snorted with disgust for good measure and hissed.

 

It took a superhuman effort for him to keep his shirt on. He was burning slowly like a fuse that seemed like it could blow up any minute. When they could not bear this spectacle any longer, the customers and the saucy service girls burst into laughter. They laughed and laughed until tears rolled down their checks. Their laughter stung him like a bee. He fumed with impotent anger.

 

He glared at her helplessly again, undecided how to get even with the corpulent lady, who was sipping her coke in utter peace. She had ordered a second helping and had inquired from one of the giggling service girls, if there was a vacant table available. She waved her left hand in front of her nose—a gesture meant to convey a feeling of utter contempt for him.

 

He knew he had to leave immediately before he lost what was left of his dignity. Slowly, he pushed his half-eaten food to one side, sorely tempted to empty the contents of the plate on her cold, hard face. That would have assuaged his pain to an extent. However, he managed to pull himself together, having obviously weighed the consequences of his intended action. Discretion, as they say, is the better part of valour.

 

“She’s right, you know,” a middle-aged man, who was exploring a large piece of roasted chicken thigh with a knife and a fork held between his fingers, delicately, interjected, after the laughter had subsided. “You should have gone for amala and ewedu, instead of exhibiting your obvious deficiency in culinary expertise.”

 

This remark triggered more prolonged laughter. As he wheeled round angrily to confront the interloper, the sour-faced restaurateur waded in:

 

“Please, please, gentlemen, I don’t want any trouble in my restaurant,” she pleaded. “If you don’t know how to use knife and fork, you should have said so! We have enough spoons and water for you to wash your hands with!”

 

Her remarks sparked off another round of hysterics. He regarded her coldly, stood up abruptly, and stormed out of the restaurant, after settling his bills. He did not wait for his change. The laughter was by now, quite uncontrollable.

 

“Why didn’t he just walk across the road to one of those bukas under the bridge, to eat, instead of messing himself up here?” The lady who started it all, asked no one in particular.

 

“What a glutton! Could have eaten a horse, you know…” the man said.

 

“Village boy!” she added tartly.

“You brought all this wahala to yourself,” his colleagues blamed him when he recounted his ordeal at the restaurant to them.

 

“Yes, serves you right,” cuts in one of them. “Next time don’t go near Standard Restaurant if your standard is not high enough!”

 

They turned him into a laughing stock.

 

“Why didn’t you settle for fufu and egusi eh?” said another. “You could have saved yourself all this embarrassment. “Come on, you just wanted to show off, didn’t you?”

 

“Was there a girl in the picture?” demanded another cheekily.

 

He scowled at the mirthful lot and made for the door. But as he threw the door open, he received the shock of his life. There, standing before him, was a pretty girl who held up his wallet and identity card for him to see. There was a warm smile on her face as she said:

 

“I believe these are for you.”

 

He was tongue-tied for the first time in his life as he stretched his hand to pick the items from her.